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It is said, “If it can’t be treated at a treatment center of alcoholism, it cannot be treated anywhere else”, and if you are wondering the reason behind such a compressive statement, read on.

Alcohol abuse is perhaps the most deceptive form of addiction as the addict usually fails to comprehend the development of a grave issue when they cross the threshold limit of “mild drinking” and enter the precarious maze of addiction. The change is so gradual that the addicts really believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with their drinking pattern. Hence, it is safe to say that alcohol a slow poison that makes it extremely difficult for people to judge whether or not they need help.

As the habit of alcoholism and drug abuse continues to take center stage in a growing number of families and individuals, the decision to seek professional help comes in as a ray of light for both the addict as well as their family; this is where the alcoholism treatment center comes into the frame.

To help addicts overcome their addictions, leading treatment centers follow a simple three step procedure, which is considered to be an ideal and upheld way to cure the habit of alcoholism and drug abuse.

1. Detox

2. Counseling

3. Aftercare

Each of these steps is a proven method used to cure addicts both mentally and physically so that they can lead a normal and peaceful life. Detox is the stage that plays an imperative role in persuading the patient in giving up alcohol. When admitted, the addict is deprived of alcohol and is asked to withdraw completely. This can be an extremely challenging time for the patient who has a habit of heavy drinking as the withdrawal symptoms can be unbearably painful. The detox may take from a few days to even months depending on the criticality of the case.

The next stage is counseling. During this phase, individual sessions are arranged for patients to communicate with experts and share their anxiety freely. This process is arranged to improve mental health and stability of the patient by prescribing and discussing the ways that can help them abstain from alcohol and drugs for longest time.

After completing the aforementioned steps, though the individual is deemed fit for the outside world, the need for apt aftercare is always there. This phase can be more demanding than the rest as there is always a reasonable possibility of the patient getting drawn back to their old habits. This is the reason alcoholism treatment centers conduct follow-up sessions.

Alcoholics and addicts are called upon to learn new living skills to replace the roles that chemicals played in their lives. Some of the most important skills to be acquired in early recovery are effective communication and relationship skills. 

Assertiveness is necessary for communication and relationship skills. This self-assured style not only involves being able to stand up for one’s own rights without trampling on the rights of others, it also involves being able to say “no” without feeling guilty. It encompasses taking responsibility for one’s own feelings, behaviors, decisions, actions, and reactions, while giving up responsibility for those same things in others. It includes being able to appropriately express a full range of emotions to others.

Self-confident, firm behavior involves being able to openly, honestly, and directly communicate one’s wants and needs. Firm boundary setting does not involve building impenetrable walls. It tells others where you stand, and outlines a range of appropriate behavior in regard to you. 

Passivity denotes an absence of self-confidence and firmness. It generally involves abandoning one’s own rights, wants, needs, to the wants or needs of others. An absence of appropriate boundaries allows others to pretty much treat you as they want, regardless of what you want. 

Aggression involves trespassing others’ boundaries to get your own wants or needs met. It can involve verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual, or intellectual abuse. This could involve manipulation and dirty fight tactics. People can also be passive-aggressive, which is about being aggressive in sneaky, covert way. More often than not, it is about acting out anger in a hidden way. A classic example is typical backbiting, talking behind one’s back kind of behavior that you see in the world of work every day. Most people exhibit this behavior from time to time. The following are examples of passive aggressive responses to a request that you don’t want to do:

1. Saying “ok”, but not having any intention of doing it.
2. Saying “ok”, intending to do it, but putting it off until eventually they do it themselves.
3. Saying “ok”, doing it, but doing a lousy job at it, thinking “they will never ask me to do that again.”
4. Saying “ok”, doing it and doing a good job at it, but going around to everyone complaining about their imposition in the first place.
5. Instead of saying “no”, giving 15 excuses why you can’t do it and the real reason is that you don’t want to.

An appropriately firm way to deal with an undesirable request, is to say, “No, I don’t want to do that”, or “No thanks”, or “No.” When you are not accustomed to being assertive, a simple “No” can feel aggressive. 

Most people have some area of their lives where they feel pretty confident about being standing up for themselves. Even the least self-assured person has some area where they can be assertive and the most self-confident person has some area where they just can’t seem to get it together.

The skills that you use to be firm in one area are transferable to other areas where it seems like you will always give in. All it takes to transfer these skills is “risk”. The risk is usually fear of loss when you avoid trying to be assertive. This fear of loss is often about loss of esteem, self-esteem, loss of goods and services, or loss of the relationship. Most of the time, the fear is way out of proportion to the likelihood of actual loss.

In order to find out which areas you have the least confidence in your ability to be assertive, ask yourself whether you typically behave in a confident, firm manner when you engage in the following circumstances:

1. Getting off the phone from the telemarketers without listening to their sales pitch?
2. Taking something defective back to Walmart?
3. Sending a steak back that is not cooked the way you ordered it?
4. Telling your neighbor “no” when s/he wants to borrow something.
5. Setting boundaries with someone at work who tries to take advantage of your good nature either by trying to get you to do their work, or asking you to cover up for them.
6. Negotiating for changes at work, either for more money or a change in working conditions. 
7. Saying “no” to one of your siblings who wants something that you don’t want to give — time, energy, or other resources.
8. Saying “no” (and staying at “no”) to one of the kids who wants something you don’t want to give, do, or buy.
9. Setting boundaries with the previous generation (your parents or spouse’s parents) when they want to meddle in your business where they don’t belong (e.g. money or marriage).
10. Conveying your feelings assertively to your significant other who has done something that involved your feelings being hurt.

Can you see patterns in the areas where you want to be confidently firm, and where you have more trouble? What are they?

In which areas of difficulty can you accomplish being assertive by practicing the skills you already have? If you took the risk, what would happen?

Look at the areas that lack confident firmness and ask yourself “What is it that I haven’t been willing to risk?”
Much of the time, the fear is not reality-based. If you find that you cannot be confidently firm in close personal relationships, the risk is probably fear of abandonment. You may be afraid that those significant people won’t love you if you are honest with them or if you take care of yourself. 

Assertiveness is a worthwhile endeavor. It builds and reinforces self-esteem. Passivity, aggression, and passive-aggression undermines self-esteem. Learning to be confident and competent in your relationships with others is an important recovery task. Confident, firm communication is a component of acquiring these relationship skills.

With visiting US students and hosts

Image by terriem
Students from campus recovery programs at Texas Tech and Georgia Southern University are visiting and I’m hanging with them, trying to be helpful. Here they are with two of our hosts in Accra. The students are looking for ways to help with alcoholism and drug addiction recovery in Ghana.

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