ALCOHOLISM & DRUG ADDICTION TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE

AA Alternative–Non 12 Step Recovery–Alcoholics Anonymous Alternative–Quit Drinking without AA–Stop Drinking–Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous

“The Forgotten Five Steps”
Workbook/Audio Program!

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AA Alternative, Non 12 Step, Alternatives to AA

There are vast amounts of information out there on the subject of alcohol and drug addiction, and my goal is to keep it real. I’ve seen what can work and I know the potential each human has and can choose to use, if the desire is there and the right information and motivation is available.

I must emphasize that I believe in the value of each person, and like myself, each must come to terms with who they are, what they desire, and their own way of finding it. My purpose here is not to convince anyone of how right one way is or better than another, but to share what I have learned in the process and hope that it will encourage others to do the same.

I have often heard the question, “Why do I drink or drug?” Or, “Why can’t I stop using alcohol or drugs?” These questions, I believe, miss the mark. The more important question is the “what” question. “What do alcohol and drugs give me?” “What has life presented to me that I believe cannot be handled without my loyal six-pack or pipe?” “What would happen to me if I could not depend on using alcohol or drugs?”

The answer is simple and nothing new. Those who drink or drug will do anything to avoid fear. “What” they get is a temporary fix or way out. It is human nature to choose what we perceive will give us the most happiness at any given moment. Fear hinders this process.

Fear is often secondary to the disease concept in most recovery programs. I believe this gives people a “false hope” that if they obtain a mastery over this insidious disease they will obtain a life of happiness. However, they find out this is not the case when they are presented with a negative life experience and end up using alcohol or drugs again.

Why? Because they believe (perceive) the situation will be unmanageable if they do not run and hide in a bottle or pipe. The avoidance of fear is greater than resolving the conflict in a positive manner.

Addiction is our ability to control fear in a way we perceive as most effective for a particular situation. To control this fear is the motivation and alcohol and drugs serve this purpose well.

In the end, the person struggling with an addiction must come to realize that his/her individual worth is not because he/she is “sober” or “addicted” but because he/she is alive.

The addict will continue to use until he/she is convinced that they can successfully live life without the use of alcohol or drugs.

There Is A Way & You Have A Choice!
I must expand here for I do not believe the alcohol or drug user is inept or deficient in any way. They are not any different than the non-addicted person. Sure they may have a mess to clean up with family and friends, but their desire to avoid fear and obtain happiness is the same as anyone’s. Some overeat, some exercise too much, some close themselves off and become bitter, some work too much, some drink or use drugs, etc. The bottom line is balancing how we cope with our fear in life and still be able to function in a healthy way.

But how do we decide this balance? How do we determine what is healthy or unhealthy for each of us individually?

The question I often ask myself is “What statement do I want to give to the world?” This is individual and powerful for each individual. It cannot be taught to them or forced upon them with consequences and threats. Consequences and threats can be a motivation to change only if the person realizes their current choice of behavior does not match their inner desire and focus of who they want to be and choose for their life.

So the answer lies in our ability to realize who we are and who we want to be. But how?

I get this question a lot. So I decided to create a guide that will help you. In the ebook “The Forgotten Five-Steps” I explain a simple program that will allow you to do this. I also will give you online help and coaching. I believe it is important to invest in your life and obtain accountability. $35 is a small price compared to the thousands of dollars traditional rehabs and programs charge. The money is secondary to me, I’m looking for a commitment. Instead of going out and smoking or drinking this money, decide right now to invest in something that will give you the ability to define your life as you want it to be. I will send it to you free if you are short on money, but for most I would encourage you to purchase it.

You have probably been through the programs and know all the info. Forget all that and decide now that you want more, that you want hope.

“The Forgotten Five Steps”
Workbook/Audio Program!

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An empowering & practical approach to addiction.
AA Alternative, Non 12 Step, Alternatives to AA

Contact me with any questions!

AA Alternative

www.recoverforever.com

www.addictionalternative.net

www.newarkohiocounseling.com

AA Alternative, Non 12 Step Alternatives to AA

Newark Ohio Alcohol & Drug Counseling

AA Alternative–Non 12 Step Recovery–Alcoholics Anonymous Alternative–Quit Drinking without AA–Stop Drinking–Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous
Individual drug and alcohol counseling for the Ohio Counties: Licking County Ohio – Knox County Ohio- Fairfield County – Perry County Ohio- Muskingum County – Coshocton County

Alcohol addiction is not a disease! Quit drinking today. A self help alternative to quit drinking forever.

Addiction Recovery–Alcohol Addiction–Quit Drinking–Alcoholism–Alternative Approach To Quit Drinking–The AA Alternative

A Practical Solution

So you have decided alcohol or drugs just aren’t cutting it for you anymore and you are entertaining the idea of cutting back or quitting. You know the first step is to not use alcohol or drugs but after that what happens? Just the thought of never using alcohol or drugs again may cause you fear and anxiety. You wonder how you will ever enjoy another get together with an old college-drinking buddy. You wonder how you will make it through the holidays, weekends, or cope with all the stress in life. You feel you may miss out on some of life’s activities and pleasures because you no longer use alcohol or drugs. The doubts about quitting, and the reasons to continue alcohol or drug use start flying around in your head. These doubts are normal but they can often create major obstacles in eliminating alcohol or drugs from one’s life. The reasons and excuses above are important in the sense that they illustrate the beliefs of many who think they can’t quit. They believe their lives will be missing something if they do quit alcohol or drugs.

Below you will find a list of some common misconceptions of those with alcohol or drug addictions. I will give a brief refute to these misconceptions in an attempt to lessen the reasons why some believe they can’t quit alcohol or drugs. (For a more thorough and comprehensive look at these misconceptions see Allan Carr’s book Easy Way To Control Alcohol.) I will then list five practical solutions someone struggling with an alcohol or drug addiction can use to remain alcohol and drug free.

1) Alcohol or drugs help me escape problems.

– False, they numb your senses and mind. They do not address the originating problem or stress but rather intensify and compound it. A great example of this is if your car’s engine light came on. Would you rewire the circuit so that the light did not come on, or would you take your car to a mechanic to have your engine checked? Obviously, rewiring the circuit would do nothing to solve the problem. Likewise, alcohol and drugs only numb you to the real issues that need to be addressed and looked at.

2) Alcohol and drugs relax me.

– False, to be truly relaxed you need to address what is causing you the stress. Alcohol and drugs only deaden the senses; they do not remove the stress.

3) It takes willpower to quit and I don’t know if I have enough.

– False, there is no willpower involved here, simply a choice. Willpower is only needed if we look at how we are giving something up. There is nothing to give up when one decides to quit using alcohol or drugs for these things do nothing for you to begin with. In actuality, what you are deciding to do is choose an alternative way to handle life. This doesn’t take willpower (although it may take some practice) All it takes is an active choice. Alcohol and drugs do not demand you use them. You use them because you believe you can’t handle life without them. The choice to use or not use alcohol or drugs is always present. Anyone who has struggled with an addiction to alcohol or drugs can verify they have, at times, refrained from use. It’s a choice to use or not use, don’t complicate it. A simple illustration would go as follows: What if I said I have milk and orange juice in the fridge, and I would like the milk. Would it take willpower for you to not grab the orange juice? Of course not. It would just be a simple choice. View alcohol and drugs the same way. You can use or not use; it’s your choice. Willpower has nothing to do with it.

4) I drink to be sociable.
– False, alcohol and drug use do not make someone more sociable, but rather remove inhibitions and common sense. Alcohol and drugs give false courage and often with much embarrassment.

5) If I don’t continue using alcohol or drugs, I will be physically sick with withdrawal.

– Not necessarily, most people I have encountered experience flu like symptoms for around three days. They may be a little shaky and disoriented, but it is no worse than the common hangover or flu for most. The major battle is mental. For the hard-core alcohol or drug user I would consult a physician for your body will be going through a major adjustment. Be smart, if you are at all concerned about the physical symptoms, consult your physician.

6) I enjoy drinking.

– False, in reality you believe you cannot enjoy life without alcohol or drugs. For the alcohol users, do you remember your first taste of liquor? Did you say, “Wow, that is the best tasting liquid I have ever had?” Most of those who currently struggle with an addiction wish they weren’t drinking or using drugs while they use. Where is the enjoyment in that?

There are many reasons people will give why they drink or drug and why it is not a problem for them. If it truly was not a problem, they would not need reasons. Do I have to give a reason for drinking water or milk? No, because it is no big issue for me. So the above are some brief explanations of the reasons some may use to continue drug or alcohol use.

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**********

The following is a list five things an alcohol or drug user can utilize to help them quit drinking alcohol or stop drug use.

1) Get out of your head!

– You have decided to quit using alcohol or drugs after much mental debate. A day or two goes by and you start to feel better physically. You are very proud of yourself. Something happens at work that is stressful and what happens. Your head starts looking for a way to cope with the stress. The alcohol or drug debate begins again. You start rationalizing and justifying how it may not be so bad for one more drink or hit. STOP right there! You are and will achieve what you think! Get out of your head and focus on something else. It’s your negative thinking that got you into the drug and alcohol mess to begin with. But how do you do this?

2) Be selfless not selfish!

– A major reason to want to use alcohol or drugs is selfishness. The poor me syndrome. The whole world starts to revolve around you and no one has as bad as problems as you do. Well none of these problems will be remedied by using alcohol or drugs. You wont pay your bills or patch up the situation with your spouse or at work by using. You wont even find that moment of happiness you are so desperately seeking by using alcohol and drugs. Instead of going up into your head and feeling miserable about yourself or situation, help someone! Get out of your head and into someone else’s world. Kindness to others is the key here, for it does not allow you to have a pity party in your head. The greatest cure and joy in the world to combat misery and selfishness is to help someone else. Talk to someone who seems down. Volunteer at a hospital or detox center. Do anything to get out of your head and not think about yourself. It works!

3) Do something!
– Nothing will change if you sit on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. You need motion and action. All the planning and goals mean little if you don’t put some action behind them. Do something! Get a hobby, volunteer your time, go running, read a book. Whatever will help put you in motion. The concept of fear is important here for most who struggle with alcohol or drug addiction have let fear immobilize them. Remember this: fear lessons and becomes irrelevant when we are actively working toward a goal. Do something toward a goal you have.

4) Choose a goal!

– A goal is something you want to achieve that does not hurt yourself or others. It’s what you want to focus your life towards. Those who struggle with alcohol or drug addiction often lose sight of what their goals are. Find one! What do you enjoy doing? Even if it is a small goal, find one. Finding a goal and working towards it eliminates the power of alcohol or drugs in your life. Your life becomes about who you want to be not who you were.

5) Establish meaning in your life!

– If you are spiritual or religious, PRAY. Re-connect with life and that quiet but persistent voice inside you. Your emotions will tell you when your focus is wrong. Emotions are the nerves to the soul. Listen to them, and if you are having negative emotions look at where your focus is right now. Readjust it! When you were drinking or using drugs your focus was only on yourself. You weren’t happy. You can be! Who do you want to be, what do you want to value, and who do you want to care about? Focus is individual for everyone, but you know it is there. You feel it. You are not ignorant, weak, or stupid. You have just never pushed through your fear of life by getting out of your head, thinking of others first, and putting action behind your goals. You do these simple steps and you have just obtained your new focus!

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THERE WAS A TIME BY T. R.

ALCOHOLISM & DRUG ADDICTION TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE

There was a time when I needed to quit drinking and using drugs and was “referred” to A.A. by way of the Uniform Code of Military Justice in 1982. The military sent me to their treatment facility which emphasized the program. At the time, I had many questions about the steps and how they could be applied. Though I went to meetings, tried to work the program and honestly wanted to stay clean, I got drunk, made trouble and was therefore discharged. After the honorable discharge and my first divorce, I went to few meetings though found it difficult to maintain sobriety. Honestly, I wanted to stay sober and knew that I had was unable to continue drinking and using in any socially responsible manner. However, I found greater difficulty in working the steps and making any kind of personal connection in A.A. Through drinking behavior, I again made serious trouble for myself and was again forcibly referred to the program, this time by civilian authorities. In need of some structure to keep me from drinking, I gladly accepted being remanded to A.A.-based recovery.

I had learned enough by that time to play the game and went to the meetings, many times “under the influence.” Because I was affected badly by the drugs which I had substituted for alcohol, another divorce ensued. Afterwards, I got more involved with A.A. and also found N.A. Even though A.A. slogans seemed to fly in the face of common sense, I did my best to accept them and the admonitions of my sponsors, mindlessly. Nevertheless, the time between my debauches never exceeded a few months. Though I continued with meetings and working the program, I thought I was in their category of “such unfortunates,” and was “constitutionally incapable.” Desperate helplessness, often reinforced in meetings, kept me coming back for daily emotional flagellation. Gradually, I learned to accept the shame and how to blame myself with impunity. But I learned how to gossip and thereby be included in social circles. Then I found something else even more attractive, the fact that program members often have sex with each other.

It was a fantastic time to be promiscuous, in a fairly large city in the mid-1980’s. Almost all of the women I had sex with were people I met at A.A. meetings. Most of them only wanted sex and it was sometimes a virtually anonymous act. Of course, if any one would get hurt in the relationship, I would quickly blame myself and accept the shame like a good 12-stepper. Curiously, I found that when anyone in A.A. referred to a “relationship,” they are referring to a sexual relationship. (That reference continues to this day.) Also, I found that such a bond is the main goal among most members of the fellowship. By the early 1990’s, that goal was focused on singular relationships. By way of gossiping, sex partners find each other while A.A. members tend to be arbiters of each others’ relationships. Perhaps due to considerations of disease, I recently noticed many A.A. members’ great concern for establishing primary “relationships.”

In the past, I fell into the ranks and pursued the ideal of a long-term relationship with a program member. Personally, I was never able to maintain such a “program” relationship beyond a few years. Over the decades, I have noted that many members marry each other, though usually divorce. Appropriately, in the words of an old-timer I heard in 1987, “Alcoholics shouldn’t be allowed to be in relationships.” Perhaps he was correct.

My continuous sobriety began in 1988 with a relationship that started at a meeting. A very attractive woman, 10 years to my junior, insisted that I remain sober in order for us to be together. Once I had mustered a few months without drinking or using, she contacted me. Though she had been sober for more than a year, I wasn’t about to bring up the “13th Step.” As it turned out, I was very gratifying to her emotionally and enhanced that by writing a great deal of poetry to her. So by the time I was sober for six months, she deemed that long enough to be beyond the threshold of “raping a newcomer.”

The emotional gratification translated very easily into gratifying sex, although the word gratuitous is more applicable. Sparing the details, we quickly became very enmeshed. Because we were acutely aware of codependency, a very hot topic at the time, we read all the right books – together. We felt that our relationship met all the standards that we learned from the program(s) and our respective counselors. Certainly it seemed very right and while occasionally I felt manipulated, I was very willing to give up power to her. After all, giving up control was something that I was becoming very practiced at, due to working the steps. Though she was much younger than I, she gave me direction in her interpretation of the 12 steps. At the time, I was in my senior year of college in Milwaukee and everything seemed perfect for us. We remained sober, though were substituting obsessive sex for alcohol and drugs. By the time I finished school, it was a foregone conclusion that we would move in together, which we basically had already been doing.

We set up house in a different city where I began my professional career and things went well for a while. Unfortunately, I then found that she had a very abusive streak, something learned from her being abused as a child. Essentially, I put up with it because she was highly attractive and sexually compulsive, which I wanted without question and she piqued my sexual compulsivity. Eventually, there were 2 times that I snapped and struck back when she became violent with me. The last time, she was wielding a butcher knife. However, being fully programmed at that point and a regular at meetings, I felt unabashed shame and blamed myself completely when she moved out. It was not long thereafter, though, that her and I were sleeping together again most nights of the week. But I was devastated when she announced to me that she had another boyfriend, who had come to live with her. At that point, A.A. became integrally incorporated in all I did, though could not soothe my intense bitterness.

I took to the road early in 1991 for several months, first south then west, staying with relatives and working various jobs. Although I had maintained A.A. contacts previously, meetings and sponsors figured even more prominently in my activities wherever I went. Even though the social activities sponsored by way of the program(s) were often awkward, I attended them with all the enthusiasm I could summon. Finally, the destination in those months of travel was Colorado, where I found another community of “drunks,” as I had all along the way. By summertime, however, I grew homesick and went back to Wisconsin. There, I found the same communities of A.A. where I became sober. By that time, I had been clean and sober for 3 years and found that I had a certain credibility. Note that “respect” is not the word used here; respect is not consistent with A.A. principles, as applied to members of the fellowship.

I found a good position in a field that was in demand and made many A.A. friends, some of whom I had known previously. Besides, acquaintances quickly become friends in the program. So great was my attraction to the fellowship that I rented an apartment a few blocks from an Alano Club. Clubs “associated” with A.A. were places I enjoyed and there was a bonus, I sometimes found sexual relationships there. They were the centers of the 12-step communities I found around the country and this particular Alano felt like home, as I had frequented it while in college. Oftentimes dances were held at various clubs, in addition to other social events for alcoholics. Though many of the people there were quite demented, A.A. slogans seemed to go a long way to soothe out personal conflicts. Some form of balance was also maintained through gossiping which was the basis of social hierarchy. And of course, properly blaming oneself also kept conflicts from developing. Even though I found that a large proportion of the membership were clinically diagnosed with severe mental and emotional disorders, I conceded to the chaotic social order. Perhaps I felt somewhat superior on one hand, while working the program ensured that I maintained an inferiority based on “powerlessness.”

It was primarily a happy phase of my life with an occasional circle of friends, though I recall instances of deep inner conflict that I could not explain. And though I was generally open to forming relationships, especially sexual ones, I found that there were times that I directly avoided becoming involved with specific women. Even though they were attractive, it seemed to be an automatic, unconscious reflex to avoid becoming close to them. Over the years, those memories have troubled me, as I can not explain why I did not want them. In fact, I’ve felt regret because they were people to whom I was attracted on many levels. Sometimes I’ve wondered if I rejected them because they wanted me, someone who was a plain, faceless A.A. with so many “character defects” that I was unworthy. There must have been something wrong with them if they wanted me! Perhaps it was as such, an inferiority/superiority complex essentially kept me caged, locked away from fulfilling the desires of my heart.

Following opportunities in my career, I began a gradual trek south, though I visited that Alano infrequently. Because I was alone, the moves were difficult emotionally, but I found A.A. communities wherever I went, I always had instant friends, social events and occasional sexual partners. Unfortunately, my sexual drive was the source of great heartache for others and myself. Though I never had a problem being simply friends with women, I found my desires increasing while my sex partners were decreasing. Somehow, my thought processes became very skewed. Virtually as a matter of course, I started going to sex addict meetings of various fellowships. Because I had been to meetings of assorted types including narcotics anon., relationships anon., even al-anon, I accepted their application of the 12 steps wholeheartedly. Eventually though, I saw that I could achieve the results needed for the “S” programs by applying the A.A. message to the sexual aspects of my life. So I began attending A.A. meetings exclusively again.

It is worthwhile to note the motives of a sponsor I had around that time. While he would listen to my problems for a bit, then tell me to go to a meeting, he would primarily focus on his business. He was involved in multi-level marketing and wanted me as part of his down-line. It was at that time I finally started to question the actual motivations of program members, including my own. Also, I began to feel dissatisfied with meetings and vocalized my concern over the ineffectiveness of A.A., given the statistics of the General Service Office and my own experience. As could be expected, my comments were downplayed by the same people who complained that there “was no sobriety” at the club and that it had a “revolving door.” Even though I knew I had a valid point, I felt that I must somehow be wrong. Then, I began to focus on recovering various aspects of my personality and basic humanity. Much to my disappointment, there was little feedback nor any suggestions in that regard. The only advice was to maintain mindless acceptance of the “principles,” slogans and other cliches.

I began to be disturbed by many members’ affirmations of how the program gave them so much of all they wanted. Apparently, the satisfaction they were getting was beyond words because they were never very specific. Only general, glowing terms were lavished in gratitude. My annoyance was due to the fact that I did not experience their joy. Of course, that was implicitly my own fault, being that I was as defective as the steps and the big book imply. So in order to fit in, I would echo the gratuitousness, mindless of the fact that by simply not drinking, I would take the ordinary measures to improve my life. Of course, I also took all the the “suggestions” including sponsorship and selflessness, which were useless except to provide frustration.

My desire and involvement in sexual relationships had lessened, due to work with a counselor and applying it. Occasionally, I became involved sexually with women but found much satisfaction in many other things. Because I bought a house, there were many things to occupy my time and I joined a church. Around the time I was sober 7 years, I found fulfillment in gardening, which still persists. Interestingly, I found my garden more satisfying than meetings. But I couldn’t shirk from my A.A. obligations; I was far too indoctrinated into the ritual and felt uncomfortable without it. Also, the people would probably think I was drinking and talk about me or worse, forget about me. Besides, I would miss out on all those potential relationship contacts.

Some of those kind of contacts definitely should be missed. Once again, I became involved with a woman who found that I was easily manipulated. Apparently, she was very good at manipulation and received not only child support from 3 different men, but also public aid and a variety of psychotropic prescriptions. Of course, she was involved with A.A. and N.A. and had been for many years. However, I eventually took on the bad guy role in that relationship though I did nothing to hurt her in any way and assisted her both financially and emotionally. For some reason, my program-induced guilt compelled me to buy her a car. As it turned out, I was only one of the guys that she was sleeping with and manipulating, which she later admitted to me as a twisted “amends.” So in the sordid way of the program, we gradually became friends again. Because I blamed myself for the failure of that previous, warped relationship, I afterwards chose to forego relationships with other women due to feelings of inadequacy. It seems that there were few boundaries to the self shaming and blaming, induced from the steps.

Celebrating my 10th sobriety anniversary offered no congratulations or fanfare. That evening my sponsor told me during a meeting, that I could “now could read the stories” in the big book, to everyone’s delight. Actually, it was embarrassing to be belittled in that way before dozens of people. Unfortunately, I had learned to accept such irrelevant admonishments by laughing myself. Accepting my insignificance, laughing at myself and my needs became second nature to me. I also accepted the very odd social/sexual structure associated with the program and found that many women would only come around when they needed to find contacts for sex.

It was a time of feeling much alienation, while I invested efforts heavily in “working the program” and communicating with A.A. members. Even my visits to the familiar Alano in Wisconsin were disappointing. At that club, I found that a couple had actually taken over the board of directors and were limiting membership as well as attendance. Few of my former associates came around and there was little reason to be there. Only the couple, who were married alcoholics that met at the club, seemed to be welcome there. Apparently, no dances or other activities went on during that time. Later, I found out that the couple were effectively removed from the board and I never saw them again. However, as gossip had it, they eventually divorced.

Contacts for contracting in my business grew meager in Illinois during 1999 and I was drawn to opportunities in Wisconsin. There, I found that a few of the people in the program community remained sober. But they were enough for a social base and many of the “slippers” would also return. Everyone was relieved that the couple who had essentially took over the club were gone and we all talked about each other with impunity. As usual, the gossip was manipulative and self-serving, one could never know if it was true.

Before long, it seemed that the good old days had returned with dances and many informal activities. Because I no longer had any illusions about the program, my social life improved as compared with previous years. But I did realize that I had grown and felt good about my many years of individually listening to people, helping with their problems. Such transient relationships seemed ok, especially that I could help. Also, I developed a relationship with a very attractive woman who honestly wanted only sex from me, as she said. I even found myself back at my old school not only studying, but also working as a teaching assistant.

Finding opportunities working with the university doing research, I had professional contacts who helped me enter a master’s program at my alma mater. Then I found a former acquaintance in A.A. who had a house near the campus and wanted a roommate. Though I realized that he was prescribed medication for mental problems, that was not uncommon in A.A. and I myself had a prescription for antidepressants. It was little cause for concern, I was very accustomed to people with similar difficulties in various fellowships. His offer was generous and dovetailed very well with my situation. Because I needed to maintain my house payments in Illinois, I moved my furnishings to Milwaukee and rented out my house. Essentially, it was a precarious balance of finances, but I had often wanted to pursue an advanced degree. Besides the academic opportunity, there was a cosmopolitan social atmosphere that I had been craving for years. However, the extent of my roommate’s mental and emotional problems soon became clear to me.

The man was tortured with hallucinations and paranoia. Though I could usually talk to him and even make him laugh, he became suspicious of me. For example, he became convinced that I had been sent by his doctors to provide surveillance and to be sure that he took proper medication. The latter point was apparently a matter of contention for him, his antipsychotic medications affected him in such a way that he didn’t want to take them. While at home, he liked to pace back and forth while chain smoking, occasionally asking me what I had said (in his hallucinations). Previously, he had sold all his furniture as a result of a crack binge and I wondered if my furnishings were safe. Because of his behavior, including occasional alcohol abuse, I also grew paranoid. However, I sometimes helped him through his delusions simply by listening to him. Despite my reassurances, on New Year’s Eve 1999, I drove him to a psychiatric hospital where he checked himself in due to the widespread Y2K paranoia. At the time, I realized the great pain that certain fear mongers were inflicting on people by way of an obvious urban myth. Of course, a few days later, I picked him up from the hospital and he seemed in good spirits.

The last time I talked to him was on the morning of my 40th birthday. He wished me a happy birthday and told me that he would be 40 himself later that year. Because he often spent time with his girlfriend, I didn’t think it unusual that he was not home that night. Then at around 2am, I answered the door to find police officers asking to come inside. Once it was determined that I was not the owner of the house, I was asked to sit down. They informed me that my roommate had swerved directly into the path of an oncoming semi and was immediately crushed. Needless to say, shock permeated me. Actually, he did not own a car to my knowledge and I related that to the officers. Although the driver’s license found at the scene was his, they could not be sure that the body was his. Subsequent days provided information that indeed it was him. He had bought a car that day and suicide was implicated but never proven.

I was deeply affected, though due to my schedule at school, never took much time to think or feel about it all. The situation gave me additional perspective on people in the program, because I noted their reactions to his death, usually an emotionally flat callousness. Perhaps even to this day, my perceptions are somewhat affected by my association with that poor fellow. For one thing, I began to realize that A.A. was a cult. Also, I acutely perceived the personal manipulations that were ongoing in the program, and so started to learn to be more protective of myself. And I noticed that there were supposed old-timers who I knew were lying about the duration of their sobriety, because I knew them over the years. By then, I had been clean and sober for 12 years and was still open to sharing, according to the program mandate though I began to avoid slogans. While I liked to be a good friend to people, I became more selective.

Finishing the course work portion of my degree, I found that I needed to work full time. After 2 full semesters, my stipend proved to be not enough in light of the debt I was accumulating. Occasional problems with tenants at my house also provided further financial pressure. Therefore, I withdrew from my program before writing a thesis. And because I could not find work in my field in the immediate area, I moved again. However I did not move far and so often visited the Alano. Of course, I found program communities in my local area and made all kinds of instant friends and of course a great deal of gossip and manipulation. Sadly, I discovered that I could no longer recommend A.A. to anyone for whom I cared.

Over the next few years, I watched many negative patterns that I had previously witnessed, repeat in my home area and at the familiar Alano. One thing I saw was that a small group of people try to exert dominance at clubs. Though I noticed it locally, I was more familiar with the dynamic at the Alano and the familiar pattern that emerged. Once again a couple, this time of males, found some kind of hegemony on the board of directors. Through intimidation they attempted to limit membership and attendance at the club, even discontinuing dances. Eventually, they were discredited and little was later heard from them. Such was a familiar sequence of events, not only at that Alano, but one I noticed locally with a group of motorcycle riders. Recalling many other clubs in various states, I recognize similar patterns of behavior among the membership.

Other behaviors are very disturbing to me. Recently, after my 15th clean-time anniversary, I became aware of some long-term friends who were manipulating and using me. Actually I’m not sure if any of them maintain sobriety. Sometimes it is difficult to get a straight answer from program members. One man I am sure lies about it and he turned out to be the most manipulative as well. For example, in conversations with him at the club, he would say certain things loudly that he wanted people to hear while keeping a low tone about taking responsibility for his actions. Some of the things he “announced” were outright lies though would rescind them in a quiet tone. Many other aspects of his treatment of me, including insults, were completely unacceptable. Though I had been his “friend” for many years, he obviously did not value that.

I found some of my women “friends” betrayed my trust blatantly. One, who I had known for many years strictly as a friend, strung me along to keep from being alone. While she was attempting to reconcile her love relationship, she wanted my friendship. Though I expressed that I had romantic feelings for her, she did not want me in that way and I respected her wishes. However, any time I mentioned my desire, she would say that she had been friends with her love object for 10 years before they dated. Without any other explanation, I was apparently to infer that maybe if I hung around 10 years, we could date. However, she became jealous of the attention I gave to another woman one day. Then it was too much for her when I gave more attention to yet another woman, who I had recently met. She was incensed that she was not the center of attention. In retrospect, I know for a fact that she has a problem with not being the center of attention, as she told me.

Fortunately for her, she then reconciled with her love and wanted nothing more to do with me, and told me via email. Another woman recently played a very childish game by telling me to come to her house then not answering the door. Yet another attempted to use me as a verbal whipping boy, a behavior which I did not accept from her years before and immediately stopped when she tried it again.

The list could continue, ad nauseum. Suffice it to say that I finally stopped being the object of the abuse of steppers. Though I previously had told some that I could not accept certain behavior, I was ignored or simply not valued very highly. And even though I expressed my misgivings about the program to individuals and in meetings, little was offered to quell my doubts other than slogans. Fortunately, I now see the self-defeating nature of the program. A recent, popular slogan epitomizes the fallacy, “the further away from the last drink you are, the closer you are to your next one.” Little is more absurd. It states that being far removed from the habit of drinking means you are going to drink. Garbage. There are so many other absurdities perpetuated in A.A. that there is scarcely enough time in eternity to unmask them all, though they are transparent.

I made the decision to turn my back completely on the program and its people. At the time of this writing, it has been about two months since I’ve been to a club or a meeting. (Applause.) Because I have been free of alcohol and drugs for more than 15 years, I feel to need to grow and expand my capabilities, but I surely don’t want to drink or use. As a matter of course, I will make mistakes as I am human. But I will not need to divulge details destined to become gossip fodder to a group of strangers, much less manipulative friends. Perhaps there are those whose need the rigidity and closed-mindedness of the A.A. fellowship. Seemingly, I did at one time. Thankfully, I am beginning the next phase of recovery, unencumbered by antiquated cliches and attitudes.

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ALCOHOLISM & DRUG ADDICTION TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE

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“The Forgotten Five Steps”
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There are vast amounts of information out there on the subject of alcohol and drug addiction, and my goal is to keep it real. I’ve seen what can work and I know the potential each human has and can choose to use, if the desire is there and the right information and motivation is available.

I must emphasize that I believe in the value of each person, and like myself, each must come to terms with who they are, what they desire, and their own way of finding it. My purpose here is not to convince anyone of how right one way is or better than another, but to share what I have learned in the process and hope that it will encourage others to do the same.

I have often heard the question, “Why do I drink or drug?” Or, “Why can’t I stop using alcohol or drugs?” These questions, I believe, miss the mark. The more important question is the “what” question. “What do alcohol and drugs give me?” “What has life presented to me that I believe cannot be handled without my loyal six-pack or pipe?” “What would happen to me if I could not depend on using alcohol or drugs?”

The answer is simple and nothing new. Those who drink or drug will do anything to avoid fear. “What” they get is a temporary fix or way out. It is human nature to choose what we perceive will give us the most happiness at any given moment. Fear hinders this process.

Fear is often secondary to the disease concept in most recovery programs. I believe this gives people a “false hope” that if they obtain a mastery over this insidious disease they will obtain a life of happiness. However, they find out this is not the case when they are presented with a negative life experience and end up using alcohol or drugs again.

Why? Because they believe (perceive) the situation will be unmanageable if they do not run and hide in a bottle or pipe. The avoidance of fear is greater than resolving the conflict in a positive manner.

Addiction is our ability to control fear in a way we perceive as most effective for a particular situation. To control this fear is the motivation and alcohol and drugs serve this purpose well.

In the end, the person struggling with an addiction must come to realize that his/her individual worth is not because he/she is “sober” or “addicted” but because he/she is alive.

The addict will continue to use until he/she is convinced that they can successfully live life without the use of alcohol or drugs.

There Is A Way & You Have A Choice!
I must expand here for I do not believe the alcohol or drug user is inept or deficient in any way. They are not any different than the non-addicted person. Sure they may have a mess to clean up with family and friends, but their desire to avoid fear and obtain happiness is the same as anyone’s. Some overeat, some exercise too much, some close themselves off and become bitter, some work too much, some drink or use drugs, etc. The bottom line is balancing how we cope with our fear in life and still be able to function in a healthy way.

But how do we decide this balance? How do we determine what is healthy or unhealthy for each of us individually?

The question I often ask myself is “What statement do I want to give to the world?” This is individual and powerful for each individual. It cannot be taught to them or forced upon them with consequences and threats. Consequences and threats can be a motivation to change only if the person realizes their current choice of behavior does not match their inner desire and focus of who they want to be and choose for their life.

So the answer lies in our ability to realize who we are and who we want to be. But how?

I get this question a lot. So I decided to create a guide that will help you. In the ebook “The Forgotten Five-Steps” I explain a simple program that will allow you to do this. I also will give you online help and coaching. I believe it is important to invest in your life and obtain accountability. $35 is a small price compared to the thousands of dollars traditional rehabs and programs charge. The money is secondary to me, I’m looking for a commitment. Instead of going out and smoking or drinking this money, decide right now to invest in something that will give you the ability to define your life as you want it to be. I will send it to you free if you are short on money, but for most I would encourage you to purchase it.

You have probably been through the programs and know all the info. Forget all that and decide now that you want more, that you want hope.

“The Forgotten Five Steps”
Workbook/Audio Program!

Download Now!

An empowering & practical approach to addiction.
AA Alternative, Non 12 Step, Alternatives to AA

Contact me with any questions!

AA Alternative

www.recoverforever.com

www.addictionalternative.net

www.newarkohiocounseling.com

AA Alternative, Non 12 Step Alternatives to AA

Newark Ohio Alcohol & Drug Counseling

AA Alternative–Non 12 Step Recovery–Alcoholics Anonymous Alternative–Quit Drinking without AA–Stop Drinking–Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous
Individual drug and alcohol counseling for the Ohio Counties: Licking County Ohio – Knox County Ohio- Fairfield County – Perry County Ohio- Muskingum County – Coshocton County

Contrary to what other programs may have led you to believe, you are more than a “client” to be treated or labeled with a disease. You have choices, motivation and free will. Your future depends, not on the theories and opinions of counselors and doctors, but on that inner desire you have to be more than you are now.

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Download The “Forgotten Five Steps” Workbook (pdf file)	$35.00
Download the “Forgotten Five Steps” Audio & Workbook You get both the workbook and audio. Listen to over 3 hours of mp3 audio files on your computer, mp3 player or ipod!	$49.00

Are You A Codependent or Enabler? – There Is No Disease In Giving!

For the Friends & Family of Someone struggling with an addiction Practical advice, quick tips and exercises.(pdf file)

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Get The CD Set & Workbook Program Mailed To You.*	$79.00

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Read more on the website:

Alcoholism & Drug Addiction Alternative

*The truth about relapse!

*You are not sick because you care! The codependency myth.

*The thoughts of others who have recovered, forever!

*Addiction as a choice, not a disease!

*Real & Practical advice and guidance to beat addiction!

*What can I do?

*Personal communication, support & guidance through email or phone if you choose!

……. and more

This workbook expands on the information contained on this web site. It contains real advice on: relapse, codependency, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, addiction recovery, and much more! You will learn a new and empowering view of how to take control of your addiction, forever! Great advice for those who try to help the drug or alcohol user. There is hope and you can change your life! Let me give you what I know and what works!

It is written from personal experience and from talking with those who already found the solution to drug and alcohol addiction. This ebook explains and allows you to learn what these people did to overcome their addiction. It is not a losing battle and people quit using alcohol or drugs all the time! This ebook will tell you how. Alcoholism and substance abuse is not a disease. Learn how to see your behavior in a new light by developing positive goals and vision!

If you have any problems or questions or need additional help for any addiction needs, please contact me through email below and I will be glad to assist you any way I can.

Many have already used this information to redirect their lives and end addiction forever.

The Forgotten-Five Steps

Newark, Ohio Alcohol & Drug Addiction Treatment Alternative

Alcoholism help, drugs help, addiction self help

I thank you, and enjoy! Timothy Welch

Alcohol Addiction Newark, Ohio

Addiction Recovery-

Alcohol Addiction-

Drug Addiction-

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The AA Alternative

ALCOHOLISM & DRUG ADDICTION TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE

“Being capable and competent doesn’t mean the right choice will always be made. Often my choice was guided by what I perceived, or what appeared to make me happy at that time. A guiding principle when choosing should be – am I choosing this because of love or fear”.

WHAT CAN WE DO?An excerpt from The Forgotten Five-Steps ebook

– Avoid cleaning up their mess.

Don’t get involved with the blame game. Addicts are real good at this. They can twist any situation to support their misery. Let choices and consequences be theirs. This way there is no one to blame but themselves.

– Let them know that it is ok to feel.

Most addicts don’t know how to do this. Teach them. To them, feelings are the enemy and have to be avoided. Feelings come and go and feelings will not kill you. It’s how you respond to them that matters.

– Fear is at the root of all addictions

Get them to takle one of these fears head on and they gain some ground. Build on these small successes so they can start to see their innate abilities to change.

– Get them out of their heads!

There is no destructive force in the world greater than an addicts self centered thinking. Mental illness has been defined as perceiving without testing. We perceive according to the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. It does not matter the reality of these stories. They are how we see the world. The addict has such a selfish view (story) that if they are left in their own heads there is little chance of positive change. What works well here is to have the addict help out others. If they are thinking of someone else, they will not be thinking of themselves. There is no greater fullfillment in the world than one who truly gives to another and expects nothing in return. Teach them to give.

– Perhaps the most dangerous idea in the treatment field is the phrase “You have to do it for yourself”.

Who do you think the addict has been serving all this time? His family and friends? Get them out of their heads! Teach them to help others.

– Motives drive an addiction.

Teach them to examine the motives behind their behavior. Most of their motives will be fear based. Remember their addiction is their attempt to control an internal feeling of fear and helplessness. A good rule of thumb in checking motives to a behavior is to ask, “will this hurt or harm myself or others?” If the answer is yes, then difficulties lie ahead. Behaviors with fear as their motive will only result in self protecting behavior. They will not focus on a solution to a problem and will not satisfy.

– Fear and guilt do little to help the addict abstain from alcohol or drugs!

Most professionals focus on the negative consequences as a reason to abstain from alcohol or drugs. This is the wrong approach. The addict already knows, or has experienced the negative consequences associated with using. This has not hindered their use. They may cut down for a while after experiencing a negative consequence only to resume normal use as time goes on. This is because people do not like to live in fear. They want to escape it. Guilt is the same thing. People want to avoid it. Fear and guilt focus on the problem not the solution. Teach them to focus on the solution. This is done by having them see that change occurs when they focus their life on something other than drinking or drugging. Don’t define them as “in recovery” or by “sober time”. This is a focus on the problem. When they realize they can handle stress in life, not because the are “sober” or “in recovery” but because they are alive and equipped with the ability to do so, drugs and alcohol will be irrelevant. They choose the right way because it is simply right for them, not because they fear the consequences. This may be difficult for them to see at first until they clarify their goals and who they want to be.

The Drug & Alcohol Addiction Recovery Ebook

Frontiers! The Alcohol Addiction Recovery Alternative

Newark, Ohio

Alcoholism and drug addiction recovery alternative

www.recoverforever.com
www.newarkohiocounseling.com

Addiction Recovery- Alcohol Addiction- Drug Addiction- Alcoholism- Drug Abuse- Alcohol Abuse- The AA Alternative

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