Question by nite_angelica: Serious question for recovering alcoholics and victims of alcoholism?
After yet another day of passing out by 4:00pm and waking up at 10:30pm to get another beer, I stopped him & told him to move out. He said he wanted to be left alone to drink his beer, so I said “Look in my eyes”. I told him that I was not spending the rest of my life with an alcoholic and I wanted him out. That I wasn’t wasting another day on someone that didn’t even care about themselves, let alone anyone else.

He’s always so worried about his 401k, stock, IRA, etc that I even told him that I have no interest in his ‘stuff” and that would be clear once he saw the filing, but that he should get an attorney anyway to ease his mind.

He looked like a deer in headlights and said ‘Well, you’ve got it all figured out – how long have you been planning this?” I told him for the same amount of time I’d been talking to him about his drinking – 3 years.

So, he doesn’t want a divorce, poured out all of the alcohol (which I’ve seen happen before) and asked what I wanted. I told him a minimum of 3 AA meetings a week and church (I don’t care which church he chooses) on Sunday so that we can get some type of direction in our life. The first week that these things don’t happen will be the week he comes home and finds his stuff packed and in the garage.

To recovering alcoholics and anyone that has lived with an alcoholic… is there ANY way this will work, or should we go ahead and end this now? I truly don’t care anymore – I’m just sick of his drinking and want to have some peace from his crap. He can drink himself to death for all I care, I just don’t want to watch it. I still love him, but I can’t live with him anymore if he is going to continue to drink.
Sorry so long, but I did not put in that he has had Hep C for years, is now in his 2nd month of treatment and obviously isn’t supposed to be drinking.

Although his viral load is only 200,000 he already has mild scirrosis which the doctors just can’t understand since he told them he doesn’t drink. 🙁

Best answer:

Answer by SA16
You are in a tough spot. Stopping alcohol is very hard, and he will likely need more than 1 try. If you want to give him one chance, then stick with it. By that, I mean when he messes up, you leave. You have to keep your promise in order for him to keep his. Otherwise, you will be an enabler. My mother went through this. They wound up divorced. We were all better off in the end. My dad is now clean.

A medical fact: alcohol withdrawal can kill. If he starts to have tremors, shakes, sweats, then take him to the hospital for a monitored detox. He will require medication that cannot be given at home. His life may depend on it. He can develop seizures, and this can cause death.

Back to the hard part: AA and church are a good start. However, AA doesn’t work for everyone. If it does not work for him, search the community for other groups and treatment facilities. You will need support too. Don’t forget to take care of you.

Best of luck.

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