Question by Justin M: Bipolar where to start?
I have not been diagnosed, nor have I been to a doctor since I was 16 for working papers. I’m currently 20, and feel that maybe I should go to a doctor or at least take a small step and talk to my mother before I see a doctor about these problems.

My problems consist of, depression, mostly towards night times when i am the loneliest which result in little to no sleep the only way I sleep is b/c of my addiction for sleeping aids, nyquil/tylenol pm/unisom/melatonin.

There are days when i’ll wake up happy fine w/e, then my mom or sister will come in start to talk to me.. I don’t know if its just because Im not a morning person or what. But I get this unbelievable rage to the point where I want to start flipping chairs. But I would never hurt my family I love them…

My father recently passed away in december age 49, of colon cancer for 2 years I watched him go from 170lbs to less then 100. To a father who could talk walk until he was bed ridden and did not even know I was his son (med issue).

Beyond that I have uncontrollable urges to vent my life stories to people, to talk for hours or type for hours about random ranting and venting.

My uncle was diagnosed with bipolar when he was young, I wanted to ask my grandfather or him more about it. My father never really had an issue.

Since I was a teen I always felt, depressed I figured it was just because I really didn’t have a girl friend, and this uncontrollable un bearable rage over stupid things such as I don’t want to hear my mom/sisters voice. I still feel my depression may come from loneliness, due to high school life is over which I miss everyday seeing my friends.

As for suicidal thoughts we almost probably all have them, I don’t have thoughts, I just have wishes. There are times I ask my self why am I alive, I feel like I cant stand to be in my body anymore, like I am living only to wake up the next day to feel miserable.

But then there are days when I feel 100% fine and great. My friends always joked that hey your bipolar because I would be fine then I would go on a rage rant and speak very fast about retarded nonsense when I get angry.

I’m scared for my future, I feel dumb that I may be questioning if I am bipolar and feel bad that if I am not that I even felt this way to begin with?

I don’t know, my mind just races a million miles an hour maybe its just b/c I don’t do much, I try and stay active i’m on a goal for losing a large amount of weight, but im always stressed. Who knows, what do you guys think.

12th grade was my worse year, for my moods, It was so bad I found myself taking my fathers oxy pills just to get by, I eventually could not do that and told my school counselor she agreed she would not tell my parents or anyone else as long as I would see her at least once a week, (Which ended up being everyday anyway).

To make a long story short my family found out, threw an anonymous letter, I still don’t know who wrote it. They came into my school, and the next day had me in a christian counselor meting. They thought it had to do with my dad, which of course some was, but a lot of it was stress, depression.

I just don’t know what to do, I miss my old life I want to move on but I don’t know what holds me back what makes me angry or sad I just don’t know.
Also, now with my father gone, my sister and her husband still live home but will soon be moving out leaving just me and my mom, I fear for my future some times? Ya know..
Also this is my second year in college community, for networking. I am great at networking, but everything else I can not seem to concentrate on for more then 5 minutes without getting pissed off at it.

Best answer:

Answer by jggb
I will start by saying that I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on T.V.

That being said, I am married to a bipolar man, and by your description, you do not seem to fit the bill.

You do seem to suffer from clinical depression, and you are trying to self-medicate. My advice: Get to a doctor ASAP. Insist on getting a referral to a therapist, and start talk-therapy. If you can, try to find someone who practices CBT (cognative-behavioral therapy). This person will help you determine if medication would help you as well.

You can beat this. Don’t let it win.

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