by Maryland National Guard

An odd thing about our society, is that many addictions are held in high regard by large numbers of people. Work is one addiction like that, so are relationships. A person can stumble from one failed relationship to another and another and it’s seemingly OK within that peer group or family of origin. This may be due in part to the belief that it’s wrong to be single, that being single is a curse or something.

First, let’s clarify the meaning of the word addiction. One of the keys to identifying an addictive behaviour is whether or not the behaviour is being done as a means of avoiding or neglecting other important priorities.

Excessive eating and work are two of the most highly regarded addictions in our society. A spouse is disheartened by the lousy state of their marriage. They begin to spend more time doing things they can do well. They know how to work and eat. They feel good engaged in these activities. Not a whole lot of positive is coming out of their marriage.

Now, what is the person who is addicted to relationships trying to avoid?

The healing of a wounded heart is the primary objective of most relationship addicts. These are generally left over wounds that were experienced when they were kids. They usually involve parental neglect, mistreatment or abuse. What happened in their formative years, they are trying to get relief from. They are trying to get the love and affection from others that they needed from their parents. Not being in a relationship for an extended period of time is quite trying for them. As soon as one relationship ends, they’re as eager as a dog chasing a stick in their pursuit of another mate. They put little thought into whether or not the two of them are a good match for each other.

A person’s life only gets more difficult the longer they avoid dealing with their addictive behaviour and the impact it’s having on their life.

The addict gets less and less out of their addictive behaviour over the course of time. They require ever increasing amounts of the addictive behaviour in order to get a buzz.

The solution for one dealing with a relationship addiction is to be honest about their problem and get help to heal their wounded state. It’s essential not to get caught up believing that their behaviour is particularly unique. Using a relationship to get a fix is far too common.

The process of attempting to heal old wounds through relationships is rarely done conciously by a person. Their mate isn’t aware of this objective. When their partner fails to supply the level of healing love and affection they want, they blame their partner for not being able to heal their wounds from childhood.