A common question that I hear from people at the beginning of recovery from addiction is about how to get their loved ones to trust them again. This is often a premature question, when the newly abstinent person is in the very early stages of change. They often want credit from family members about their “intentions” toward recovery. They may want to be recognized and rewarded for being willing to quit drinking and using at day two or three of abstinence. They may forget that they have repeatedly made it several days in a row without drinking or using before relapsing once again.

The newly recovering person often wants family members to accept at face value that they are done with drinking and using for good. They may be telling the partner or family members that they are willing to go to 12 step meetings, but one thing after another has gotten in the way of actually attending those meetings. From the addict’s point of view, the willingness and the intention of doing so should be accepted and regarded as evidence that the alcoholic is “in recovery”.

Alcoholics may feel insulted when it is suggested that for family members to believe that they have changed, that they actually must change. Words are not enough. Family members have been through promises and declarations of “quitting for good” for years. These verbalizations do not mean anything to the family if not followed by behavior change.

Family members often assert that their addicted loved ones have lied to them about wanting to get sober or by making unfulfilled promises of “giving it up”. People with addiction usually mean it when they make the promises that they will quit, that they will go to meetings, and that they will engage in any form of recovery activities. The addiction gets in the way of the promises to themselves and others. The cravings or urges set in and the defenses mechanisms make it alright to drink or use “just one”, “just one more time”, “only for today”, “only beer”, or “only pot”. And of course, the first one only leads to the rest.

Addiction is an illness that plays tricks with your thinking. A psychological tug of war between the side that wants to quit and the other side that wants to use is played out in the mind of the addict, as they deal with cravings. Both sides have their arguments to gain supremacy. The battle is ongoing; thoughts are fluid; resolve changes minute by minute.

The newly recovering person often has difficulty really understanding that family members will regain their trust as the alcoholic regains “trustworthiness”. Behavior, that is dependable, responsible, constant, and predictable, is trustworthy behavior. Trust comes back the same way it was lost-a little at a time. As the addict does what he says he will do (i.e., going to meetings, not drinking one day at a time, getting a sponsor, etc.) family members’ perception of his “trustworthiness” goes up. When he tells the truth instead of lying to avoid conflict, his “trustworthiness” rating goes up some more. This process continues as the trust in the relationship is restored. All the arguing and promising in the world won’t make it happen sooner. In fact, this behavior slows down the process since it is not “recovery behavior”.

Family members will also be reassured about a loved one’s ongoing abstinence when they observe that the appearance of new living skills. The chemical must be replaced by healthy living skills or the recovering person remains vulnerable to relapse. When the chemical use is removed from the newly sober person’s problem solving skill set, it leaves big gaping holes where something that had a purpose used to be. When the need arises for the role that the chemical played, and healthy replacements have not been found, relapse is a strong possibility. Spouses and parents in early recovery live in fear of their loved one relapsing. They feel less fear when they are able to observe that their loved one now has alternatives to chemicals when he feels uncomfortable feelings, is stressed, or has problems that he is struggling with.

An example of the need for living skills would be stress. Addicts without stress management skills, in the wake of elevated stress, would want to use a drug to manage that stress because at some point it worked–at least temporarily. Recovering people not practicing good stress management skills would tend to be irritable, anxious, and might employ other diversionary tactics to not feel stressed. Spouses and parents will notice when a loved one is practicing stress management skills because their old behavior associated with stress will be changed. They will see that the alcoholic is changed and is engaged in working a program of recovery.

“Working a program” is not just about attending meetings. It is about utilizing what you learn in those meetings to effectively manage one’s life. To regain trust in the relationship one must actively work a program of recovery.

Let’s take a look at some of these signs and symptoms, and the steps necessary to stop the abuse of alcohol.

Alcohol is a part of many people’s lives. Most restaurants serve alcoholic beverages and it is present at most sporting events and office parties. Many people can have a drink or two and stop there with no problem at all. For many people however, this is not the case. One drink can quickly lead to many more and some people simply do not have the ability to control their alcohol consumption. Studies have shown that people that come from an alcoholic family, have an increased risk of becoming problem drinkers. This leads us to believe that genetics plays some role in this addictive process. Stress is also a leading factor in one’s ability to control their consumption of alcohol. Many people turn to the bottle as a way to manage the stress that is present in their lives. Unfortunately, alcohol cannot make these problems disappear, they are still present and often drinking creates new problems. Many family members simply cannot take the up and down roller coaster ride of living with someone who is a problem drinker or an alcoholic. These families may have financial difficulties due to the alcoholic missing work or being fired from their job due to drinking. Abuse is prevalent in many homes where alcoholism exists, because the person drinking is unable to control their behavior while drinking. Many affable people have completely different personalities once they begin to drink. Just because someone has a problem with alcohol, it does not mean that they cannot recover and lead a full, normal life. It is important to recognize the symptoms of alcohol abuse, so that help for the addiction can be obtained before it is too late.

The following are a list of things that may indicate you or someone you care about has a problem with alcohol.

l. Withdrawing from friends and family.

2. A preoccupation with obtaining alcohol.

3. Numerous failed attempts to quit drinking.

4. Unexplained swings in moods or strange behavior.

5. Blaming others for problems or the ability to be unable to quit drinking.

6. Anger or depression.

Alcohol addiction can also have many different physical symptoms as well. The following things are a list of some of them.

1. Redness and puffiness of the face or eyes.

2. Abdominal pain.

3. Sick or shaking feeling, especially when not drinking.

4. Driving while intoxicated, this may result in legal troubles.

5. An increased tolerance to alcohol, and the need to drink more to feel the “buzz”.

6. Periods of not being able to remember things or conversations, “blackout” periods.

7. Flushing of the skin from an excessive intake of alcohol.

8. Missing school or work due to hangovers or periods of being intoxicated.

If you or someone you know, has any of these symptoms it is important to get help right away. There are many people who have conquered their alcohol addiction and have went on to lead happy, healthy lives.

If you or someone you know has a problem with alcohol then you should look into the possibility of getting into recovery. Alcohol addiction has a lot of negatives associated with it, not the least of which is a lifespan that is generally reduced by about 20 percent on average, so anyone who is hooked on drinking should look into quitting just for this simple fact alone. The quality of your life stands to improve by leaps and bounds if you can find a way to sober up.

If you want to quit drinking then you have to change your entire life from the inside out. For most people, success in sobriety comes as a direct result of their actions in trying to actively create a new life for themselves. This means that if you want to stay sober then you have to do a lot more than just not drink. You have to get active in recovery and reach out and help other people and set some goals in your life and find some real purpose. If you do these things then it will give you the drive and the motivation to remain sober even when times get tough.

We all have our personal challenges and we will all have our ups and downs so you need to find coping mechanisms and healthy outlets so that you can avoid relapse over the long term. Alcoholism is a very patient disease and so you need an entire life strategy that can carry you through your entire life experience if you want to stay sober in the long run.

Let’s take a look at some of these signs and symptoms, and the steps necessary to stop the abuse of alcohol.

Alcohol is a part of many people’s lives. Most restaurants serve alcoholic beverages and it is present at most sporting events and office parties. Many people can have a drink or two and stop there with no problem at all. For many people however, this is not the case. One drink can quickly lead to many more and some people simply do not have the ability to control their alcohol consumption. Studies have shown that people that come from an alcoholic family, have an increased risk of becoming problem drinkers. This leads us to believe that genetics plays some role in this addictive process. Stress is also a leading factor in one’s ability to control their consumption of alcohol. Many people turn to the bottle as a way to manage the stress that is present in their lives. Unfortunately, alcohol cannot make these problems disappear, they are still present and often drinking creates new problems. Many family members simply cannot take the up and down roller coaster ride of living with someone who is a problem drinker or an alcoholic. These families may have financial difficulties due to the alcoholic missing work or being fired from their job due to drinking. Abuse is prevalent in many homes where alcoholism exists, because the person drinking is unable to control their behavior while drinking. Many affable people have completely different personalities once they begin to drink. Just because someone has a problem with alcohol, it does not mean that they cannot recover and lead a full, normal life. It is important to recognize the symptoms of alcohol abuse, so that help for the addiction can be obtained before it is too late.

The following are a list of things that may indicate you or someone you care about has a problem with alcohol.

l. Withdrawing from friends and family.

2. A preoccupation with obtaining alcohol.

3. Numerous failed attempts to quit drinking.

4. Unexplained swings in moods or strange behavior.

5. Blaming others for problems or the ability to be unable to quit drinking.

6. Anger or depression.

Alcohol addiction can also have many different physical symptoms as well. The following things are a list of some of them.

1. Redness and puffiness of the face or eyes.

2. Abdominal pain.

3. Sick or shaking feeling, especially when not drinking.

4. Driving while intoxicated, this may result in legal troubles.

5. An increased tolerance to alcohol, and the need to drink more to feel the “buzz”.

6. Periods of not being able to remember things or conversations, “blackout” periods.

7. Flushing of the skin from an excessive intake of alcohol.

8. Missing school or work due to hangovers or periods of being intoxicated.

If you or someone you know, has any of these symptoms it is important to get help right away. There are many people who have conquered their alcohol addiction and have went on to lead happy, healthy lives.

Question by Haruka07: What songs or poems are there about recovery from drug or alcohol addiction?
I’m doing an English project and I need a poem or song about a drug addict or alcoholic recovering from their addiction because they have seen that they have a family to live for, they have something worth fighting for. I can’t for the life of me find any poems or songs like this, though I’m sure they’re out there somewhere! So if you guys could help me out, I would be forever grateful!

Thanks ever so much! ^^

Best answer:

Answer by xo379
RHCP – Under the Bridge
“Under the bridge downtown/Is where I drew some blood/Under the bridge downtown/I could not get enough/Under the bridge downtown/Forgot about my love/Under the bridge downtown/I gave my life away . . .”

The Needle and the Damage Done – Neil Young
One of the most famous anti-heroin songs ever, “The Needle and the Damage Done” was directed at original Crazy Horse guitarist, Danny Whitten, who overdosed at the age of 29 several months after the song’s release. Young later remarked about the song: “I am not a preacher, but drugs killed a lot of great men.” The song appears on Harvest, which was the best-selling album of 1972. “I’ve seen the needle and the damage done/A little part of it in everyone/But every junkie’s like a settin’ sun . . .”

Gracy – Raymond Carter (poem)
No other word will do. For that’s what it was.
Gravy.
Gravy, these past ten years.
Alive, sober, working, loving, and
being loved by a good woman. Eleven years
ago he was told he had six months to live
at the rate he was going. And he was going
nowhere but down. So he changed his ways
somehow. He quit drinking! And the rest?
After that it was all gravy, every minute
of it…

Also…interesting article “When Novelists Sober Up”: http://moreintelligentlife.com/content/tom-shone/when-novelists-sober

What do you think? Answer below!

People often find their way to recovery in the midst of a crisis. Someone standing at the crossroads of recovery, may have been arrested for DUI, may have been fired, or may have received a scary report from the doctor. He may have heard the bottom line demand from his spouse– “Get help or we are getting a divorce.” Or, the alcoholic/addict may in fact, have a moment of clarity and really be able to see that he does have a problem and that help and abstinence are called for. The alcoholic/addict feels afraid. He feels ashamed.  He feels angry at others or at himself for being in this position in the first place.   

Fear, coercion or crisis helps him find his way into recovery. Fear is a fairly good short term motivator, but not so good in the long run. Once the fear subsides and the crisis is over, it is very easy to lose your motivation and momentum. At the point where the cycle of addiction is interrupted by failing to take the next drink, dose, or joint, there is a lot of tension, anxiety, and mindfulness of where you are in the process. Detox or withdrawal may occur, with physical and/or emotional symptoms being very consciously experienced.

When you get to feeling better physically and emotionally after detoxing, it is easy to lose your momentum. Your focus on recovery can dissolve. Some of the problems that once motivated your recovery might be resolved now. Because you have quit drinking or using, your spouse and kids are once again speaking to you and are in the process of forgiving you. You may have even won back some trust. Everything seems to be going well.  

Under these circumstances it is quite easy for you to take your eyes off the target and lose your focus on recovery. Erroneously, you may believe that your abstinence is not so fragile now.  Feeling better, you may think you have it “whipped”. 

Without actively focusing on your continuing abstinence and recovery, your behavior can begin to drift away from the newly instituted behavioral changes that you have made. You run the risk of returning to old thinking, old feelings, and then ultimately old behavior.  The reason why this would happen is that you are not consciously taking steps to continue on a path of recovery. This path involves many changes in your behavior and in your life style. Without making conscious choices in regard to how each decision affects your new recovery life or your old addiction life, you are unconsciously choosing your old life. Choosing recovery is not like jump starting your damaged car battery where once you get it started, it recharges itself as run it. You have to continuously work a program of recovery. Without doing so, your efforts will be short-lived. 

You will quit going to counseling. You will quit going to meetings. You will have stopped calling your recovery support people. Your defenses will go back up and you may take exception to the feedback of significant others who tell you that you are acting like you used to before recovery.

You won’t be able to see that you are on the road to relapse. You won’t be able to understand why they are concerned. You won’t be able to identify the behavioral changes that scare them because you will be back in denial. Being around old drinking/using environments and friends don’t scare you. You can’t understand why it would scare your significant others. After all, you told them that you are not going to relapse. You have learned your lesson. What more do they want? 

After awhile, you will begin to think that you have your drinking or using under control now.  When you think of addiction as a thing of the past, that you now have it under control, you will begin to entertain the notion that you can now drink or use without negative consequences. If any of this sounds like your recent experience, you are in big trouble. You are in the relapse process and unless you do something now, you will relapse–and soon.