The following are personal alcohol and drug addiction recovery experiences from people I have had the honor of encountering through my web site. I receive many emails, and through them I continue to gain insight and inspiration into the strength people have to escape from their previous use of alcohol and drugs. There is pain in these stories and much struggle, but what I believe sets these people apart is their desire to use this pain as a springboard for change. I have kept the stories as they were written, but for confidentiality purposes have kept their identity out. To me these stories are essential in the fact that they show that “recovery” is not a “one-size-fit-all” process. Listen to them, and if you feel like sharing yours, simply email me and I will consider posting it.

A Gentleman Drunk

There Was A Time By T.R.

A Chance To Live Again By B.J.

The Poet’s Corner

The Forgotten Five-Steps

www.recoverforever.com

Toledo, Ohio Alcoholism Treatment Alternative

www.addictionalternative.net

I have enjoyed reading your website on the myths of this dysfunctional way to deal with mental and emotional pain(at least in my case)-Someone hit the nail on the head, when they wrote that to intimidate a person into thinking that he or she has no power over addictions, just release the problem to a spiritual power, whatever they choose, is just a way to release an already beaten up soul into submission. As a regular AA attendee, I have seen this apparently work for many people, mostly men. But for others, like me, who have a fairly intelligent brain in their head, sane loving family support ( no matter what I have done), a past successful career and family life, this proclamation that I will never be in control of my again; was too overwhelming and painful.

I have spent 10 long years of hell with depression from childhood emotional traumas, a “wrong” marriage that I held together only to have my 39 year old husband die suddenly in his sleep for no apparent reason, and the ensuing downward spiral that I aggravated with alcohol abuse.

In 1995 I got my first DUI and was thrust into the legal world of jail, AA, no license, danger to my nursing license, etc. I knew nothing of any of this and was told AA and submission to total abstinance, and the fact that I am a weak person who cannot control her life without 12 steps, was my future. Recovery was forever and my life as I knew it, was now in the hands of some spiritual thing. As a Christian, this was very hard for me, and all the other ramifications were so foreign to me ( I never even had a speeding ticket!). It has taken me depleting my savings, shame, guilt, 2 more DUI’s, 2 inpatient treatments, 1 outpatient and continuing Psychotherapy, to finally believe that I have a healthy mind that can stop this madness, with much work, prayer to my God, and most of all educating myself with information that you and others are finally providing as an alternative treatment.

Truly the one thing that finally got me was no more insurance reimbursement for treatment. I knew in my heart I didn’t need anymore (how long does it take to learn the same 12 step programs anyway?!) I knew I could not accept the AA philosophy totally, though I do enjoy about 4 meetings/wk at very small hometown groups with long sobriety. I enjoy the faith, hope and strength that they offer as an encouragement that I am not alone. I have accepted that their 12 steps are just the fundamentals of the moral, Christian life that I have always led. I don’t have to remind myself of them most days, they come naturally. I realize many there, didn’t have much moral upbringing, and led horrible street lives, etc. I can appreciate the strength the simple principles of AA can offer them. If taking away the personal responsibility for their many times, horrid past, is a way for them to recover and stay clean, then I guess so be it.

I feel truly blessed that I have been able to put this problem into perspective. What it was for me was a binge drinking pattern of numbing horrible pain, that I just couldn’t handle. For the past year I have worked hard to release the memories of at least 10 years of sexual abuse, emotional neglect by parents who did nothing about this, even though they knew, and an ensuing sad marriage of almost 20 years. But I see light now, I am 90+ days sober and there is such freedom. I have great sadness over legal problems from the 2 DUI’s of last year and seem powerless to do anything but submit to the court’s habit of treating all addictions with criminal punishment. I want so badly to keep going forward and feel so healthy and strong, it is very frustrating to know I will go on for years, to pay for what I allowed alcohol and depression to do to me.

Thanks so much for being strong and public with your innovative treatment options. I know they will not be silenced and destroyed by AA, any longer. But the transition will be hard and long, as I know you are probably daily reminded. Thanks for the ear, (eye-ha, ha)-BJ ………

BJ was asked to write her views and experience on relapse and this is what she wrote ………….

Hey Tim-sorry it has taken me so long to write back with my thoughts on relapse-here goes-Do I think that relapse is almost inevitable, as seems to be readily accepted in the treatment community? NO!
But I can surely testify that one can set themselves up for one and I am one of those unfortunates. My last relapse ended with another DUI that has cost me dearly and will continue to do so. How did I fail? Actually, the system failed me as much as I allowed it to and I did real well with the rest!

In reading over your alternate treatment theories, I readily agree, that we as alcohol/drug abusers are no different than anyone else. We just chose a more physically visible addiction. Our alcohol abuse is treated as a crime, a weakness of character, even immorality. To be sure, chemical addictions are much more dangerous to innocent people; you and I both know we are the ones who are damaged far beyond what others see. I think of AA meetings, where I hear another suffering person believing that he alone has the defect of fear, of selfishness etc. You state it very well when you say that everyone has these emotions, it is just that not everyone deals with them the same way. Our way gets alot of attention!

I think it is a travesty to shame someone into sobriety, leading them to believe that they have a simple disease, that will be arrested; if they just don’t pick up. It is an insult to our intelligence and for me it was a major roadblock, to be told that I could no longer control my life. Knowing that I was once a very successful wife, mother and nurse; and then being told that I had developed some disease and could no longer be responsible for myself unless I adhered to 12 steps (steps that are just another way of leading a good, moral and for me Christian life) and stayed sober. It was all too much for me to bear and I caved-many, many times. Each relapse was worse and the final one came down to me almost being placed in a psyc. ward. That was enough for me.

It is very clear for me to see, now, that we can sense a relapse in the making, long before it comes. But if we are told it will probably happen, it is normal, just get up the next day and start over; we are overcome with this fear, it breaks us down with depression, hopelessness and despair. If we plunge into good psycho-therapy or whatever mental treatment we chose, and tackle it honestly with a good therapist, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For me, this tunnel was long and painful and it took me almost a year to break through the memories, fear, and shame of sexual abuse. I can easily see now that drinking numbed thoughts that I just could not deal with, any longer.

Is it hard? You bet it is. But with the strong faith that I have conquered my demons, sometimes on a daily basis, I feel very confident that my next 40 years will be so much better than the last, and consequently I have no desire to destroy my mental or physical life with a chemical. I can now live the way I was meant to live; without much fear or with the strength to fight the fear and win. It is so freeing to know that I am as strong as I thought I was, that others are finding out that we don’t have some damn disease that we can use as a scapegoat for bad behavior. We are intelligent, loving caring people with no more “defects” than the guy next door.(maybe even less!)

Granted, each person is different and many roads are much tougher than others. But I truly believe that we were created to be good people. We are a race that is is besieged with horrible dysfuntions that lead us to so many depths of evil. Much of this is beyond our control. We can chose how to deal with life and it’s hurdles, we can try to numb problems away; or we can summon our strength, take advantage of all the healthy alternatives there are out there, and go forward. That is where the despair landed me. I am so grateful for people like you, Tim, who aren’t afraid to expose the pitfalls of addiction treatment as it is readily accepted. It has not worked for everyone. As one of those stubborn people who refused to accept complacency, I am blessed. The road is not nearly at it’s end, but I have found a crossroads now. I can chose for myself, which way to go. I am heading straight for the prize of mental health, stability, and moral living! I chose never again, to allow alcohol to rule my life and lead me to pain and sorrow. Life is becoming GOOD!

Online Help & Ebook

The Forgotten Five-Steps

www.recoverforever.com

Toledo, Ohio Alcoholism Treatment Alternative

addictionalternative.net

ALCOHOL & DRUG ADDICTION SELF HELP TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE

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Understanding Relapse

By now the term “relapse” is both widely used and engrained into the minds of most all of who are lucky enough to enter some form of treatment in the US for chemical dependency. The “treated” person is informed that with chemical dependency, relapse can occur at any time and that from moment to moment one must be alerted to the “triggers” that may cause this regrettable fall, back to the clutches of addiction. “One day at a time” and, “you are only an arms length away from your next drink” are the clichés which echo through most AA halls and treatment offices. Although well intentioned, the concept of relapse is associated with the idea that chemical dependency or addiction is a disease. Those unfortunate enough to have this biological/chemical abnormality will forever have to be conscious of their struggle to maintain sobriety. There is no escape. The disease of chemical dependency never leaves, and in fact it is waiting in the background for its chance to reclaim its victim. Relapse is viewed as something outside the realm of the person’s control. Sure, no one forces them to pick up a drink, but if they succumb to the temptation, it is blamed on the disease. It is not until the addict surrenders his will and admits complete defeat that any hope of abstinence from chemical dependency can be obtained. Or so we hope, remember the disease is powerful and no one is off the hook, ever!

I feel the above is unfortunate and that our current outlook and use of the term “relapse” needs a more honest investigation.

First of all, there is no study or medical literature that proves or has found there to be any biological disease with chemical dependency or addiction. There is none! Believe it or not, the disease idea is used purely because no one has a clue why someone would continue to destroy his or her lives through an addiction. If we believe people would not consciously choose chemical dependency or addiction as a way of life, we conclude it must be a disease.

With no scientific literature to support this, the concept of relapse is absurd. We cannot relapse if there is no disease.

Telling people addiction is a disease, and relapse is part of that disease, (when both are false) is setting them up for failure. The disease concept does not encourage the addict to choose and control what he can to improve his life. The disease concept strips the addict of free will and puts them under the control of an imaginary disease. Again, no one and nothing can force them to pick up a drink. But if they do take the drink, it is the disease, not the man. Try this; think of someone you know who doesn’t drink. Now think of them as an alcoholic. What did you just add to them? You got it, a disease. By labeling them an alcoholic, in your mind, you have just separated them as being “different” from the normal person because of some internal biological craving. They are not different. They are just choosing a form of behavior you would not.

Secondly, 80% of those who admit they once had a problem with an addiction no longer have the addiction. They “recovered” on their own. The importance here is that these people are not struggling with a day-to-day battle of the wills to abstain from drug or alcohol use. They did not need 90 meetings in 90 days, or intensive outpatient therapy with relapse plans. They simply quit. They can do this because there is no disease. Their values and focus changed and they decided drugs and alcohol no longer held the power and significance it once had. People normally change when they realize they have something to lose if they don’t change. Pain and consequences are important here for when one gets disturbed enough they will be more motivated to change. Those who continue to use alcohol or drugs have not yet been convinced that life would be better lived if they quit. Some would then ask if those who continue to use alcohol or drugs need to “hit bottom” in order to change. The answer to that is simple. No.

The addict will continue to use until he or she is convinced that they can successfully live life without the use of alcohol or drugs.

This can come at any time and for some, it is never. There is no “bottom”. It is relative, and has more to do with why people think they can’t quit than why people continue to drink or use drugs. In other words, I am not going to quit until I think I can.

So knowing that addiction is not a disease, relapse cannot exist. And, knowing that the majority of people quit on their own, personal perception and choice is important. Why?

Because it is human nature to choose what we perceive will give us the most happiness at any given moment

But what does happiness have to do with drinking or using drugs? Anyone can tell that the addict isn’t happy. That’s right, those who drink or drug aren’t happy but that doesn’t mean they can’t perceive it to bring happiness. Addicts are full of fear, like many people who live life. The only difference is that the addict consistently chooses not to productively deal with that fear. The addict hides, and with this hiding comes the illusion of control. They numb themselves to have a moment of peace, happiness. Now are they actually experiencing peace and happiness? Of course not, but if you have a splinter in your foot and you knock yourself on the head with a baseball bat, you wont be thinking about the foot!

But this still does not answer the question of why some can’t seem to quit even though they portray a real desire to do so?

The obvious answer would be because they are told they cannot.

The same people who want to help them are at the same time telling them they can never escape their addiction completely.

This is not acceptable to me. Let’s look at the process. Someone struggling with an addiction goes to counseling or AA. They are given all the above and more standard information. They buy into “One day at a time” and the disease concept and get “sober”. They are excited about this and jump into the “recovery” process full force. But something starts to happen when they are told “recovery” is a life long process and they can never escape their disease. They find only two choices; remain in AA(treatment), or fail. They remain in AA and periodic counseling for a while. But shortly they start realizing that the mistakes they have made are coming back to haunt them. Their finances are in trouble, friends are hesitant to call, family distrusts them, they still are not happy, etc. Things are a mess. What happens? Well when you take away the addiction, the person becomes like everyone else (probably with a bit more mess to clean up though). There is no more hiding or excuses and the person is hit with the realization that the position he is now in is from his own past choices. He knows he can refrain from drinking or drugging, because he is doing it now. But, he feels alone and has difficulty understanding and controlling his feelings. For the first time in a while he feels fear. What does he do?

He holds on to his “recovery”. It is his saving grace. It becomes his identity and image.

His self-esteem seems to hinder on his progress of the 12 steps and how other members view him. But this wears thin and he soon finds out that people don’t care. The world goes on. His progress in the steps do not land him a job or get his family back. His image falls. He remembers his disease. At least he has that fight. It becomes harder to deny the usefulness his old addiction could give him now. It’s a disease remember. He feels out of control and needs to regain it. He uses and the cycle starts again. Until he realizes that addiction is a choice, he cannot regain control and ownership of his life.

He must come to realize that his individual worth is not because he is “sober” but because he is alive.

If he does “relapse” it is not because he has a disease, but because he chose to deal with his fear by avoidance.

So why can’t people quit drugs or alcohol when everything they say indicates they want to? Simply, they feel they cannot live life without it. They have made the wrong choices for so long and depended on their addictions as a crutch. To stop drinking or using drugs would strip them of the only constant they know:

The ability to control their fear and helplessness in a way they perceive as most effective for their particular situation.

This is relapse, addiction. So what can we do? Lets keep this simple.

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– We must empower the individual struggling with alcohol or drugs. We do this by taking away all excuses they may have to why they cannot stop drinking or druging. They will have many of these excuses. But the bottom line is that they don’t believe they have the necessary personal resourses to overcome it. Find their talents and help them emphasize them. I do not believe they are weak willed or spiritually deprived. Their will’s have taken them to a place where no one else would want to go. If they wanted to drink or drug, they found a way to do it. Use this strength to re-focus them. Their spirituality is normally quite strong. They are searching for something, a meaning. Help them find this meaning. Victor Frankl wrote that if you give a person purpose and meaning, they will find a way through anything. No matter how hopeless it seems. Even atheists believe in something. Even if it is life itself.

– There is no biological or chemical disease.

If they use, it’s their choice. Relapse is a choice. Tell them this.

– For every choice to use alcohol or drugs, there is an alternative choice also available.

They may have forgotten this part. The alternative choice will most likely impact the problem more directly to resolve it and not further its existence. Fear may enter here. They have avoided responsibility like the plague. But when they finally realize that their control comes from responsible choices they are more willing to attempt it. The key is when they can see how choosing the responsible choice will positively impact their life situation. When life situations can’t be seen improving, change will be hard fought.

– No one truely enjoys their addictive behavior.

They don’t drink or drug because they “like it”. Think back to the first few times you used. The taste was awful and it most likely made you sick. No one I have ever encountered formed their desire to use after the first drink or hit. It took some work.

– Make sure goals are clear and achievable.

The addict must develop a clear vision and plan of what they want and who they want to be. This is most important, for through their use of alcohol or drugs most have lost sight of the dreams and goals they once had. Remind them. Most healthy people look at the world as their playground. The addict looks at the world as their prison. Help them find the key.

– Avoid cleaning up their mess.

Don’t get involved with the blame game. Addicts are real good at this. They can twist any situation to support their misery. Let choices and consequences be theirs. This way there is no one to blame but themselves.

– Let them know that it is ok to feel.

Most addicts don’t know how to do this. Teach them. To them, feelings are the enemy and have to be avoided. Feelings come and go and feelings will not kill you. It’s how you respond to them that matters.

– Fear is at the root of all addictions

Get them to takle one of these fears head on and they gain some ground. Build on these small successes so they can start to see their innate abilities to change.

– Get them out of their heads!

There is no destructive force in the world greater than an addicts self centered thinking. Mental illness has been defined as perceiving without testing. We perceive according to the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. It does not matter the reality of these stories. They are how we see the world. The addict has such a selfish view (story) that if they are left in their own heads there is little chance of positive change. What works well here is to have the addict help out others. If they are thinking of someone else, they will not be thinking of themselves. There is no greater fullfillment in the world than one who truly gives to another and expects nothing in return. Teach them to give.

– Perhaps the most dangerous idea in the treatment field is the phrase “You have to do it for yourself”.
Who do you think the addict has been serving all this time? His family and friends? Get them out of their heads! Teach them to help others.

– Motives drive an addiction.

Teach them to examine the motives behind their behavior. Most of their motives will be fear based. Remember their addiction is their attempt to control an internal feeling of fear and helplessness. A good rule of thumb in checking motives to a behavior is to ask, “will this hurt or harm myself or others?” If the answer is yes, then difficulties lie ahead. Behaviors with fear as their motive will only result in self protecting behavior. They will not focus on a solution to a problem and will not satisfy.

– Fear and guilt do little to help the addict abstain from alcohol or drugs!

Most professionals focus on the negative consequences as a reason to abstain from alcohol or drugs. This is the wrong approach. The addict already knows, or has experienced the negative consequences associated with using. This has not hindered their use. They may cut down for a while after experiencing a negative consequence only to resume normal use as time goes on. This is because people do not like to live in fear. They want to escape it. Guilt is the same thing. People want to avoid it. Fear and guilt focus on the problem not the solution. Teach them to focus on the solution. Help them see that change occurs when they focus their life on something other than drinking or drugging. Don’t define them as “in recovery” or by “sober time”. This is a focus on the problem. When they realize they can handle stress in life, not because the are “sober” or “in recovery” but because they are alive and equipped with the ability to do so, drugs and alcohol will be irrelevant.

“The Forgotten Five Steps”
Workbook/Audio Program!


Download Now!

An empowering & practical self help approach to drug and alcohol addiction.

Alcohol Drug Addiction Self Help

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Alcohol Addiction Alternative, Drug Addiction Recovery, Alcohol Addiction Counseling, Drug Addiction Counseling, Newark Ohio Addiction Help, Licking County Ohio Alcohol & Drug Addiction Help, Alcohol Recovery Help, Drug abuse Recovery Help,

Addiction self help, alcohol addiction self help, drug addiction self help

Newark Ohio Alcohol & Drug Counseling

The Forgotten Five-Steps Workbook

Contrary to what other programs may have led you to believe, you are more than a “client” to be treated or labeled with a disease. You have choices, motivation and free will. Your future depends, not on the theories and opinions of counselors and doctors, but on that inner desire you have to be more than you are now.

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“The Forgotten Five Steps”
Workbook/Audio Program!

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*The truth about relapse!

*You are not sick because you care! The codependency myth.

*The thoughts of others who have recovered, forever!

*Addiction as a choice, not a disease!

*Real & Practical advice and guidance to beat addiction!

*What can I do?

……. and more

This workbook contains real advice on: relapse, codependency, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, addiction recovery, and much more! You will learn a new and empowering view of how to take control of your addiction, forever! Great advice for those who try to help the drug or alcohol user. There is hope and you can change your life! Let me give you what I know and what works!

It is written from personal experience and from talking with those who already found the solution to drug and alcohol addiction. This ebook explains and allows you to learn what these people did to overcome their addiction. It is not a losing battle and people quit using alcohol or drugs all the time! This ebook will tell you how. Alcoholism and substance abuse is not a disease. Learn how to see your behavior in a new light by developing positive goals and vision!

If you have any problems or questions or need additional help for any addiction needs, please contact me through email below and I will be glad to assist you any way I can.

Many have already used this information to redirect their lives and end addiction forever.

I thank you, and enjoy! Timothy Welch

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